Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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