i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
