i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies