i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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