I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT