i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero