ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.