their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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