I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi