dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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