I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
