Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
