Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
