I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
