Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
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