put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
