I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
