That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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