The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
