Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
