While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
