Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
