Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
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we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
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"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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