dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
