We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
