Apparently you make a good broom.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
