The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
