I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
