You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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