This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
