yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
