Can i not drive my cunt home
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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