i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
