rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
