There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
