I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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