Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
