I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
