Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i've created a new STD.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
