Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We have started to decorate penises.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
