I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
