Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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