dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
