dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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