I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
