im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Too much gin, very little bucket
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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