you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
