there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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