I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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