I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
