Your face is a jimmy john
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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