i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
