she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
