based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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