i was born a porn star she said
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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