What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
