We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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