So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
wanna go halves on a baby?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
