in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
