i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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