And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
