you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
