I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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