She said her name was "party"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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