So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He better not be in your backpack
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
