I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
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