i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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