we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You have to summon your inner elephant
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
