so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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