You're a womanizer and a bitch.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
