You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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