she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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