Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
