I can tuck mytits in my pants
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
