My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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