Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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