Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
