I don't remember. Are we still dating?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
