P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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