I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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