R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
