Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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